


Which Drarry Reviewer Are You?

by Bridgette_Hayden



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Criticism, M/M, Types of Reviewers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21816943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bridgette_Hayden/pseuds/Bridgette_Hayden
Summary: Poking fun at the harsh reality of reviews through Drarry fanfiction.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	Which Drarry Reviewer Are You?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I make no money from this. JK Rowling is the God, may she forgive what I do with the names of her characters. 
> 
> Image credit is given at the bottom of the page.

I've done it again, only this time with Harry and Draco. The habits of reviewers are illustrated with photos and observational humor. While this version is similar to the Snape version, it has major Drarry differences that are unique to that pairing and an additional category. Definitions are basically the same, but relate to Harry and Draco specifically.

This is mainly for the writers. May you keep laughing and writing. You're not alone.

As before, I'm asking the question, what kind of Drarry reviewer are You? For most, it depends on the story, our moods, and how much sleep we’ve had. Observational humor has been used to make fun of the entire practice of reviewing. Have fun and laugh at all of us. The comments are not meant to be accurate or factual. They are entirely biased, whimsical, and exaggerated, just like fanfiction.

These get more positive as you go up the scale.

* * *

**The Dissatisfied Reviewer**

****

**19\. The Dissatisfied Reviewer** \- You’re that Drarry moment when Harry meets Draco for the first time, and rejects him. Then we have to wait years before these two finally come together (Of course, it would've just been weird if they'd gotten together at that point). You are so disappointed in the fanfiction story, that you decide you’d be better off learning to write your own because apparently, no other writer is doing it the way you need it done, or will ever do it that way. (Most writers were once extremely dissatisfied reviewers.) This is heart wrenching because, in the movie, the little Slytherin tyke was just defending himself from being laughed at by Ron, (who, metaphorically speaking, threw the first punch) but few people factor in that. That sucks. Misunderstanding is left to fester for the next seven years, until the right fic brings out the love in these two and makes everything the way it should be. You could also be represented by that forced ending in the series, where nothing felt right. 

**The Satisfied Reviewer**

**18\. The Satisfied Reviewer** \- Every aspect of the fic was pure joy and you say so. You’re the ideal Drarry reader, just happy to have Drarry wherever you find it. You are as rare as those fics that please every reader in fandom. You’re that Drarry moment when real life imitates art, and some pic surfaces that fill you with the warm satisfaction of seeing these two together. 

**The Complainer**

****

**17\. The Complainer** \- You hated the story and you say you hated it. Why should you suffer alone? You’re that moment when we realize that Lucius is never going to accept Harry as his son-in-law, and their tension will remain epic, even after Draco has Harry’s baby. It's painful, but fodder for even more amazing fiction. (Like, Harry has no choice but to forbid Lucius to ever see the baby, and that, in the end, is what causes Lucius to yield. The sight of his son’s son, is so beautiful, it forces him to admit that he’s on the wrong side of things and thus begins a new and humble relationship with Harry and, oh, where was I?)

**The Punisher**

**  
**

**16\. The Punisher** \- You are a crusader for all things righteous, and you must make sure the writer suffers for the ungodly mixture of wrongs and foulness that dare call itself fanfiction. When you’re not bombing clinics, you keep track of wicked prose and inflict routine retribution through harassing comments. You’re the Draco who, while looking fine as hell, ruthlessly kicks Harry in the face when he discovers him spying.

**The Control Freak**

****

**15\. The Control Freak** \- You point out where the writer messed up, whether it’s grammatical, factual, tags, or style, and wait expectantly for them to make the changes that you pointed out. You’re that moment when Harry’s sense of justice has him slashing Draco in cold blood. While it’s nice to see him get some payback for the kick to his nose, his force is excessive. If it wasn’t for Snape, his demand for justice would cause him to be a murderer. Many writers welcome technical corrections, but insisting and tapping your foot while you wait for them to come, is kinda pushy. Like Harry, you mean well and we love you, but you gotta understand, there’s a method to the madness, and you gotta let some shit slide because you can’t control the millions of moving parts in fandom. Let it go and forgive everyone who is not as strict and academic as you. 

**The Stealth Reviewer**

****

**14\. The Sealth Reviewer** \- You love it. But you don’t tell the writer. You say nothing. Ever. You’re not actually Drarry, you’re the Invisibility Cloak. 

**The Troll**

****

**13\. The Troll** \- You don’t even care about the story, you just like getting a reaction. If you can instigate a fight or hurt feelings, you’re happy. You’re not actually Drarry, you are literally a troll. 

**The Hypocrite**

****

**12\. The Hypocrite** –You accept photo manips and art with open arms, insisting that images of those unique and famous faces, have nothing to do with their real counterparts. But let the real names of those actors be used in a Real Person Fic, and you become a one-person crusade against the invasion of their privacy, and are willing to take up arms for what you believe in. You can’t admit that their faces are “who they are” even more so than their names. You can’t admit that you are enjoying stories which utilize the physical attributes that real people have made famous. No matter how much you insist that you’re using the fictional character, that fictional character was made up of words, not images. Try using the words alone, to fulfill all your Drarry needs. Anyone can be named Tom and Dan, yet no one can have those _exact_ faces but the real people. Enjoy your photo manips, and keep telling yourself they have nothing to do with the two people who are walking around looking exactly like them as you read this.

The next time you come across Real Person Slash, be kind. You’re doing the same thing visually, that RPS writers do through words. Like Umbridge, you insist on civility, decency, and order, but your bashing of RPF takes a knife (or cutting quill) to anyone who doesn’t feel the way you do. **  
**

**Aggressive Malicious**

****

**11\. Aggressive** **Malicious** – Your only goal is to use words that you hope will destroy the writer’s confidence. You are miffed that their stories keep popping up and fans keep liking them. You’re the Draco lying in wait to sabotage Harry anyway he can. He’d rather provoke Harry than be ignored. It might backfire, but at least, for one exquisite moment, he gets to be the center of Harry’s attention. 

**Passive Malicious**

**10\. Passive Malicious –** Not only did you not like the story, you took extra time making sure the writer knows that you didn’t like it. That may not be helpful, but it makes you feel better. That’ll teach the writer not to waste your time in the future. You’re the ongoing rivalry between Harry and Draco that they have not grown out of yet. You can’t let the bitterness rest and your obsession with payback keeps you locked in a battle to have the last say. 

**The Bottom Dweller**

****

**9\. The Bottom Dweller** \- You ignore what kept you reading and talk instead about everything that bothers you. You think you’re being engaging, yet the writer is genuinely confused as to why you bothered reading. After some back and forth, it’s discovered that you are actually enjoying yourself after all. Bottom dwellers tend to focus on the sludge, and possibly do a tremendous service by helping writers clean up confusing plot points, but they’re missing out on so much more. You’re not actually Drarry you’re Colin Creevey and your communication skills need a little work. Seriously, watch the extended edition of Colin’s introduction.

**The Honest Reviewer**

****

**8\. The “Honest” Reviewer** \- You tell it like it is. You don’t pull any punches. You pride yourself for speaking the truth. The only problem with that is, your truth is made up of your limited experiences and observations, which vary greatly from what others perceive. So there is no absolute truth, there’s only what makes sense to you, and that isn’t really what the writer should be concerned with. You’re not actually Drarry, you’re Aunt Marge. Actually, you could also be Vernon Dursley. 

**The Politician**

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**7\. The Politician** \- You measure creativity by rules, regulations, cultural statistics, and the popular vote. You cannot process pairings and content that do not conform to “acceptable” fantasy and must point this out to the writer. You protest in favor of conformity, and boycott all who refuse to write under your regime and standards. You’re not actually Drarry, you’re Cornelius Fudge. 

**The Reasonable Reviewer**

****

**6\. The Reasonable Reviewer** – If you like the story, you say so. If you don’t like the story, you don’t. No point in two people being disappointed, and it’s the decent thing to do. You’re that beautiful moment when Draco cannot bring himself to identify Harry and hand him over. No matter how he was raised, his innate integrity takes over, and he has to do the right thing.

**The Practical Reviewer**

****

**5\. The Practical Reviewer -** You hate the story. You say nothing. You seek no retaliation for having your time wasted. You simply go and find another story. This resembles The Reasonable Reviewer, with the exception of knowing that you absolutely hated the story. You’re that moment when Harry saves Draco. He could’ve gotten revenge, he could’ve left his nemesis to die, but in the end, his true feelings won out and he did the right thing.This show of decency is especially touching because it’s one of the most endearing moments in the story, as it validates the hidden emotions that Drarry shippers knew were there all along.

**The Confused Reviewer**

****

**4\. The Confused Reviewer** \- You’ve read twenty chapters, eagerly waiting for more, and yet, you’re still not sure how you feel about it. You need more time. You’re like those Dramoine fans who have not yet come to terms with the fact that Harry and Draco are the one true pairing. 

**The Giver**

****

**3\. The Giver** \- You just want to give something back, so you make sure you leave a comment. You don’t put a lot of thought into it, but hey, you left something in return for something. You’re that moment behind the scenes when you realize that, not only is Tom Felton not a bad guy, he’s the most forthcoming about his emotions and has been the most vocal about Draco’s feelings for Harry. 

**The Appreciator**

****

**2\. The Appreciator** – You know what it takes to turn a blank page into a journey, so comments to the writer are careful to begin with what you _did_ like. You know the content can’t be tailored to make every reader happy, so you stick with what was done well, knowing full well that the writer has no control over your personal qualms. You often write yourself, so you just want the author to know you’re cheering them on. You’re the appreciation Tom shows for having shared those years with Dan. He’s thankful for everyone in the cast, but he wears a special pair of glasses to signal the feelings he will always hold for one famous wizard, and the actor who played him. This is Drarry spilling over into real life. 

**The Master Reviewer**

****

**1\. The Master Reviewer –** You are the core of Drarry. You are so thankful to have these amazing mental movies available to you, that when you find one you love, you try to express it. You try to give back in equal measure, as good as you received. You too are rare, for many are not willing to dig three inches into their hearts to say what made them happy about a story. Even if it’s two sentences, it’s two sentences of the highlights and highest emotions that you enjoyed. You keep track of where the writer caused you to think, caused you to get excited, and caused you to worry about the characters. You are able to simply say that, knowing that humble offering is a rewarding feast to the writer who so wanted you to get something out of their movie, even if it was just a different plot that you couldn’t get anywhere else.

You know that these types of fantasies are therapy in its truest form. Healing emotions. As long as there is a “real world” to have to contend with, you will need fics like these, to soothe your soul. For you, taking time to comment, to recall something wonderful that the writer inspired you to feel, is equivalent to planting a tree. You plant the seed. You feed a writer’s inspiration. You do this in hopes that you will always be able to find a great story when you need it. Your comment says, more than anything, “I took the time to read it, I’m glad you took the time to write it.”

Because of you, the writer continues to be happy working late into the night providing exciting romance and drama for free. Your appreciation is their compensation. If the writer doesn’t carve the path, readers have no where to go. You inspire the writer to keep carving out new places to go and new stories to tell. Well done.

* * *

If you're curious, here's the [Snape version](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21788953).

Credits:

Warner Bros. owns all images from the Harry Potter movies. JK Rowling owns her characters and is a God, and I make no money from this.

The Hypocrite: sourced from dreamdrarry on tumblr. Com. It’s a great manip, and none of us own these images.

Satisfied: sourced from [https://twitter.com/hashtag/feltcliffe](https://twitter.com/hashtag/feltcliffe)

The Complainer: It's signed Elvis-CHR.tumblr.

Master Reviewer: Dehesia from deviantart.com, and

“DoberaxTS26tumblr” but image was sourced from a google search and found on weheartit.com, with no trace to a specific photographer other than DOBERAXTS26TUMBLER.


End file.
